My Broken World

I sat for hours clicking away unable to get to what was really my original intent… to write. I let days pass in order for the surge of emotions to be put to a calm mood. I did not want to blurt things all out of being emotional or put on the wrong impression that I was slighted. That has long been the case. If my heart is broken, it broke a long time ago and should very well be fine by now. There are farewell parties, the curtain closes after every show, the last hurrah for a bachelor/bachelorette and similar things. It’s all about ending things with a bang and somewhat a toast to a whole other undertaking. The last page of the book you could not put down till you finish it, that last sip of your frappe, the last bite of your glazed donut, the last slice of your favorite pizza… all good things must come to an end and this is exactly how the story would go down. Or should go down may very well sound better. I am not feeling pangs of bitterness, much to a friend’s chagrin. I am not feeling the loss for I haven’t really had anything in my barren hands for quite a while already. Nothing can possibly happen anymore; for it was an old story that hasn’t been read in ages. Nobody sits around to hear it being told no more. It was no fairytale. There were no white horses, a secret garden, fairies, a kiss that would awaken you from a century long sleep and all other things that make up those childhood fantasies. There were cabs and buses, cakes and presents, onlookers and yeah, that one kiss that led to moments of yearning. I was not warned as to what I was trekking on. It was a path of rubbles and splintered glasses. Had I taken a closer look, I may have also seen the carnage that precedes me. These are the bodies of former lovers that were so conveniently thrown at the nearest dike after they have served their purpose. Ditched after being all used up. You see, sometimes leeches come in the brightest of form. And that ray of light which surrounds them can make you mistake them for angels walking along with a lowly human like yourself, making you prone to a feeling of being granted a great endowment. But see, that light is a mere deviation from what is truly hidden beneath. It is a necessary ploy to make you covet them. And the moment you do, you are the fallen. In my case, it felt like being a participant in a magic show. No, my body did not have to be cut in half. Rather, that other famous trick of making people fall into so-called deep sleep and make them float. Voila! The shoddy part is, after the show was done and the masked magician left the stage, I was left there floating into nothingness. Somebody forgot to wake me up from that illusion. Hence, the feeling of being trapped hunted me like a hyena chasing a gazelle. I was still hoping that my masked magician would return to me and bring me back to a reality that is untainted. Only, magic was already being played with another, in a manner of speaking. I was at least all too willing to settle as my magician’s Familiáris. But my mind is as erratic as the tides in the ocean. And so now, I have decided to severe all ties. How can you be possibly friends with someone who can bring you down neck deep and still slander your heart so keenly without batting an eyelash, and without them knowing? That’s just torture I tell ya. And I think I am cutting my membership from that fan club. Ball and chain starts to look less appealing to me with each passing day. I have time and again said that my magician would be the fairest of them all. But maybe I forgot to put into consideration that magician was also the most unfair of them all. What tragic irony. Was this ever worthy of being labeled as a love story? Maybe it’d me more aptly termed as an obsession story or a fuckinshittylosercrap story. And like all horrendous nightmares and striking dreams, I needed to wake up.

Now I’m gonna get back on my feet, I still have precious moments to live and hearts to break… I kid.

OSSY™ WILL NOW RETURN TO HER FUCKED-UP REALITY.

BRING IT ON!!!

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 6th, 2009 at 4:24 am and is filed under WiCkEd wOrLd of OsSs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.